City F.C. - The Holland Tour


Page 2 sees our heroes ending their first day in Holland.

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And no sign of his teddy

Did I die last night ?

What the hell is in this ?

A phone box without a Colin in it

Al before shaving his chest

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  The hotel bar closed at 5am, by which time Ginge had entertained the local police twice, and Steve had gained a cut hand from stopping a bicycle with a street sign. Colin was heard to ask for a phone to tell Bev.

More tea vicar ?Ginge in 'no pictures' mode 

Breakfast was held, for some, between 8am & 10am, with most rising at 9.30am, Phil looking like he had died during the night.

  Two versions of Ginge's ordeal follow, but only one has been approved by him. Guess which.

1) "We were in a pub, talking to some Dutch girls when Ginge went to sleep on a bench, We looked round and he had gone ! The girls offered us a lift on their bikes, Steve decided to steer his, and a sign post tried to mug him. Ginge must have been arrested as a drunk."

2) "Ginge was kidnapped by South Malaccan terrorists, but before they could get the ransom money out of his sock, Steve staged a heroic rescue by crashing his heavily-armoured V8 Raleigh chopper through the door, routing the terrorists and riding into the sunset with Ginge on the pillion."

  Also after breakfast came the story of the exorcist bed. It seems that Ginge (again ?) was mysteriously thrown out of bed in the early hours, the bed ending up on the other side of the room. Phil was a witness, but was unavailable for comment.

  Yet more breakfast revelations : a David Bellamy lookalike had been found, so everything became an "enooooooormous gweat.............."


  Fridays troll included a shopping expedition, with Steve attempting to buy a pair of jeans. After trying on 4 pairs, all too small, the assistant, to Steve's horror, dived at his zipper, yelling "may I assist you ?".

  After a Big Mac, a phone box was found without a Colin in it, before everyone returned to the hotel to prepare for the Al Gatter birthday celebration drink-up.

  Roger announced that he was in love with Vanessa, another of our fellow travellers on the coach over, and Martin was chatting up her kennel mate, telling all that 'anything is better that nothing'. In his drunken state, he got it wrong, as those to were worse than nothing.

  Some of us left for dinner at an Italian restaurant, leaving Martin locked out of his room whilst in the shower.

The restaurant was enlivened by the presence of a Charles Bronson lookalike behind the bar.



Over dinner, the talking point was the trip to the Artis zoo, where Terry was pelted with monkey excrement, and Chris L provided impressions of the orang-utans.


We then went to Cary's Bar, where much beer was drunk.

Phil blags his way behind the bar Phil, Cary (of the bar) & Paul Attractive barmaid & less attractive Phil

  Speaking of drunk, Al was. After a visit to a peepshow, where we were insulted by the girls (!) Al went to bed, and acquired lines on his body.

  Back at the bar, more beer was put away, with TC insulting anyone who came in. (Last time I saw a coat like that it was on a bear). Andy bought a round and Chris B gave Chris L lessons on posing. Colin managed to sit on a bar stool without oxygen, and Chris L convinced everyone that Colin looked like Oddbod from "Carry on screaming". This forced Colin to get drunk, threaten to throw beer over Bob to see what it would look like, and then start a discussion on sex. (Bob accidentally revealed that he was at work when he first had it).

  It was revealed that Martin thought that a prostitute had been killed when he saw a lot of policemen and cars while in the red light district. The more observant of his companions noticed that they were outside a police station.

  Chris L led the flashing, TC added to the contents of the fire bucket, and Phil posed behind the bar.

  Outside, Chris L threatened to hit anybody with his exposed private part, Chris B merely stated that he would be unable to follow that !

  Let's go to a disco.

  Ash, Chris B & Robin became separated from the crowd, but spot Roger and Mark in another taxi. Cries of 'follow that cab' are ignored by their driver, so they go for a stroll around the discos. In one, Chris B urinates everywhere when he is accused of posing, them mobile posers then decide to follow 3 inebriated females back to a hotel bar (the Hans Brinkler), for more beer. One girl has trouble with names, quoth she "I'll get it eventually". Quoth he "I hope so !". When Chris B fails in his attempted seduction, he drags the other two out, cursing and swearing. ("I hate you two" being the only one clean enough to print). Spurred on by his thoughtful compatriots, Chris B decides to commit suicide by jumping in the canal. The laughter caused by the threat, and the fact that the drunken sot could not get his leg over the railings prevented his drowning, so our heroes decided to return to the hotel, but only after one unsuccessful attempt to trap a taxi. (Robin forgot the hotel name, Ash was too drunk).


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