Captain and superstar, Steve is the midfield Colonel (awaiting promotion to General).

His tireless running and goal scoring talent has enabled us to rise to the upper reaches of the table.

Once had a trial at Millwall, but got away with a fine.

Steve is two-footed, which allows him to stand up properly.

Off the field, Steve has a growing collection of multi-coloured boxer shorts and new windows in his house.

He once tried breeding rabbits, but is now married.

Steve's secret ambition is to win a football medal to match the one that he has for needlework.