Richie comes to us after an illustrious career as a boot boy to the Long John Silver Impersonators XI.

The victim of a vicious attack by a 4-ton killer guppy whilst swimming, he has had extensive brain surgery, the scars being hidden by the bandage shown in the pictures.

Richie is a lifelong friend of Ian Curtis, which is nothing to brag about really, and has yet to find his best position on the field as people throw buckets of water over him.

It is rumoured that he is sane.