Michael Gardner






Ex-Mr Universe, this left-sided player has an economical style in that he only uses one foot, the right foot he only uses on Sundays in church.



Some of his teammates complain that Mick talks too much during a match, but he devotes most of his vocal energy on public debates and his hobby as a town crier in Walthamstow.

Eventually, Mick intends to give up football and hire his muscles out to people less well-endowed (like Graham).

Nicknamed 'Lightning', but no-one knows why.