Needing only to get fit and learn how to play properly, Ian was asked to play for City in the first year, and has finally made his mind up.

The only son of a moustache salesman, Ian was introduced to football at borstal, and formed his own team that, sadly, only played one away match before an impromptu disbanding, some of the players have yet to be located (notably the left winger, R. Biggs).

Ian joined the Post Office in an attempt to evade capture, and the authorities decided that that is adequate punishment.